Just a blog

Did You Say It ?

2009-05-20T19:41:00.001+01:00

Grey's Anatomy, the finale - it made me cry!!!

I thought the voiceover at the end was great, really made me think; "no I didn't say it..."

I LOVE YOU
YOU CHANGED MY LIFE!

Update at last!

2009-05-19T11:49:00.002+01:00

SO, I haven't posted in a while, but tbh, I just couldn't be bothered lol.

what to say what to say...
erm.. I have my last exam in 2hours, I should probably study some more, but I really can't be bothered.

Tomorrow I'm meeting up with my dissertation supervisor to decide what my dissertation title should be... joy...

I go home on Sunday, and I cannot wait!! I want to go hoooome!

On Saturday I went to Blackpool Pleasure Beach with my flatmate and his boyfriend, and it was so much fuuuun!! I did knock my elbow during one of the rides and it started bleeding :(
we then went to the seaside for just a few minutes because I wanted to, it was so preeeetty!!

Then we went to the Blackpool Gay Pride, and it was loads of fun, met random people, bought pretty things, had a few too many drinks, but it was fun :)
because of my elbow bleeding, I went to the first aid stand (st john's ambulance) and they were really nice, disinfected it, put a nice bandage on.
My elbow is really sore, I've managed to bang the EXACT same spot about 5times since Saturday, how I did that I don't know?! and so now it's soooo sore!
but it should be ok by the end of the week lol

TV :
Why are so many characters dying!!!!
CSI NY, one of the characters dies
Prison Break, one of the main characters dies
Grey's Anatomy!!!!!!!!! that finale made me cry!

I will probably/hopefully post more during the summer as I'll be at home.

Anyway
must get ready for exam and whatnot
will post up a couple of pictures from Blackpool

mood : unsure
music : Greg Laswell - Off I Go (end music from Grey's Anatomy finale)

Today...

2009-03-21T14:03:00.001Z

.. I feel pretty

:-)

crappy time

2009-03-20T13:05:00.004Z

So, I'm stressing and panicking about uni.

On tuesday afternoon I have a genetics exam type thing. Which'll be 1-2-1 and it'll involve oral questions, maths questions, and practical techniques - it's going to suck.
Then a couple of weeks later, I have a statistic exam, which is also going to suck, and then the day after that, I have a law exam, where we have to act out a trial. So we are in a group of 8, I am the judge, and others are barristers and expert witnesses, and we have a case to try out. So we will be marked on oral questions, on interpretation and organisation, and how we say things, 'cause this is a law exam, not a sciency one.
AND on the same day, I have to hand it my choices for topics for my dissertation. I already have to decide what I want to do for my dissertation?! and that'll impact on what I do after my degree, and I might want to do a masters, so I have to think about that too, and ARGH!!!!

Plus, still confused and stuff in this sort-of-but-not-really-a-relationship relationship.

and to top it all off, I've been feeling really low :(

all in all
crappy time

Weird/good day?

2009-03-14T00:26:00.003Z

So, today, I thought was going to be a really crap day.

I'm so skint, I've got like £5 until Wednesday, and I've just got enough food, and will need to spend my last £5 on water, cause the tap water shouldn't be drank.

my lectures were ok, then i went shopping for £3worth of food (all i could afford), and then back home to cook some lunch, had a chat with someone living on my floor, she's nice.
then I watched some dvds.
But by then, I was just really, really upset.
So I texted a few people, hoping that I'd get some replies, get distracted from what I was feeling, and feel a bit better.
But only a couple of people replied, one of which was Michael.
he called me about 7times, to see how I was doing.
And then we spoke on msn.

We spoke about why I was upset, and then about what was new for him and what was new for me and then just spoke about really random stuff, like we used to do.
and we just stopped talking now.
We spoke for over 6hours.
talking on msn for over 5hours, spoke on the phone for about 1hour.
and it was great, I had missed him so much, hadn't spoken to him in about 2months.

And hopefully I'll go visit him in Vienna over the summer.

It was so good to speak to him, he really cheered me up :)

Friendships

2009-03-13T00:17:00.005Z

I tried to ignore it, but I can't anymore.

Friendships are not equal/balanced.
I think the same is valid for romantic relationships.
but right now I'm talking about friendships.

There is always someone in the relationship who loves the other person more.
It's generally reasonably the same, like 60/40, but not in my case.

I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm hypersensitive, or maybe because of other stuff, but it seems that for me, I care about someone a lot more than they care about me, around 90/10 or 80/20.
It feels that way.

and it SUCKS.

So yes, I am disappointed in people, I am angry and sad, because I care about them, and I am their friend, but many times it feels like they're not my friend.

I do expect more from certain of my friends, I hope for more, because I really am willing to do a lot for my friends.

No this does not make me selfish.

FUCK
this sucks

mood: upset, angry, disappointed
music: maria mena

5 Lessons

2009-03-06T13:27:00.000Z

"1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

'Absolutely, ' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride, soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read:

'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.

'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her."

random update

2009-02-17T22:48:00.002Z

So, since last time:

I read the 4 twilight books and I'm absolutely in love with them!!!
Was disappointed by the film, compared to the book, it kinda.. sucked?

I went to an audition on Saturday, for a play at uni. A 'friend' of mine is gonna direct it she let me have the audition as a 1-2-1 with her, and it went ok. she said I should come back for the call-back, like the second round of auditions so that the final cast can be decided.
But today I got another assignment, due for the same time as the play, which means I'll have 4 big assignments due for the same week, which would be the week of the play. So, I had to turn down the play :(
very crappy indeed

On a final note
I have officially quit smoking :)
I have had 1 cig in the past 2weeks, and I plan to stop altogether, or maybe have 1 or 2 when I go out, but that's it.
So that's good

Anyway, I've had a really really shit day
except that I got 20minutes free to call any number in the uk, and guess who I'm going to call tomorrow? Esu!

twilight

2009-02-07T19:19:00.002Z

My friend who is in and out of hospital, she told me that before she came back to uni in March, I needed to watch the Twilight film.
I told her that I'd read the book first, and that it'd probably take me about a month or so to read it because I'm such a slow reader; so I'd have read the book in time for when she gets back.

So I downloaded the book (I wasn't going to buy, incase I didn't like it).
I read the few chapters (about 60pages) on wednesday, and I really liked it. Then on thursday I checked the cinema times for when the film was being shown, and they were only showing it on saturday and sunday (so this weekend).
Friday evening when I got home, I started reading again, and I read it ALL! I finished it at about 3am this morning, but I read over 200 pages in one evening, can you believe it!!

and I LOVE the book!!

So now I plan to read the other 3 books, and tomorrow, I'm going to the cinema to watch the film. I can't wait!!

just an odd update

2009-02-03T14:39:00.002Z

So, I was looking forward to yesterday, and.. it turned to be very different than expected.

I was planning on going to an audition for the uni's drama society. I was ready for it, well, I was dressed and had my bag and I was on time, but when it came to leaving the flat, I panicked and couldn't leave my flat.
So after about 15minutes I decided to leave the flat and walk to the building, and if I couldn't do it, I'd go to the shop and buy comfort food. On the way I bumped into my flatmate, and we bought booze and junk food. So instead of the audition, I got drunk and ate junk food.

Then we had a pub quiz, and my team won by 10points, WOOT!
What surprised me, is that my team, it was me, my flatmate, his boyfriend, his friend, and another friend. Now those people (excluding me), they are like.. they always hang out together, smoke and drink, they're like the cool people, but the cool drinking/smoking/do drugs kinda people. It makes sense in my head.
And I felt comfortable with them; felt...good :)

And then more drinking and smoking til about 4am..

Anyway
It was a weird day yesterday
Today is worse
I think I'll go take a nap, and sleep through my tutorial, cba'ed

*sigh*

good ramblings

2009-02-01T23:13:00.002Z

Today I did my laundry, wearing lovely smelling clothes, been wearing my new fuschia bra, I tidied my room, I changed my sheets, I ate healthily, I took a nice long shower, I used my new hair cream thingy so my hair is nice and smooth and shiny and pretty, I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I'm reading the twilight book and enjoying it, and I've got into Dexter.

All in all, today has been good.
Today, I felt good
Today, I felt pretty :)

2008

2009-01-01T14:12:00.009Z

I thought I'd end 2008 by making a post, reviewing whats happened (to me) over the year, and maybe with some photos, and then "here we come 2009!"

January :
- Getting back to uni and having loads of free time until the exams! and soo much stress over my first set of exams!

February :
- Exam results and passed them all!
- Valentines day, nothing great! but Esu was my valentine lol, and this stupid boy i liked, being a stupid boy, lol

March :
- erm.. can't remember anything that happened, just that it was the easter hols and i got to go hoooome.

April :
- back to uni, which took ages cause trains fucked up the day i was travelling and i had to go via sheffield and manchester and it took me an extra 4hours than normal.
- and it was the last month of uni
- aaaand, the month i got my piercing!!

May :
- end of year exams... i didn't have many, but yeah, still stressed me out like mad!

June :
- move stuff into new flat, and then back hoooome!!

July :
- exam results, i failed one,but i was OFFICIALLY in second year!!
- AND 2weeks holiday in LA PALMA!!!!!!

August :
- return home all tanned from the holidays!!
- booked tickets to england for my resit, my brother came with me because of job interviews, and it was ok, i passed my resit.

September :
- back to the uk for uni.. moved into my new flat with a really good friend in the room next door, which is great!! and just basic uni/student stuff

October :
- dropped chemistry and took 2 electives, psychology of the paranormal and topics in criminal psychology
- Also I went back to belgium for a week at the end, at halloween, for my mums birthday, to see my aunt and to get away from the uk, i just needed to get away from the uk for a bit.

November :
- back to the uk, went to manchester to sus' house party, which was ok, aaaand I got my second tattoooooo

December :
- last month of uni, and stress over the exaaaaaams. but yeah, had the exams and then got back to belgium.
- Had my 19th, which was... ok, and then christmas which again, was ok.
- I also went to the hair dressers the other day and got my hair dyed, nothing insane, but still, was nice!
- and then new years yesterday!

So that was my year
it was alright.

Farewell 08
Hello 09

New Years Celebrations!

2009-01-01T03:13:00.003Z

..are supposed to be fun!

To be honest, I don't quite see what the fuss is all about, it's just a day like another, it's like changing month, but its just another year.
I mean, it seems to be expected to go out and get drunk, its like the minimum requirement.

I didn't do anything. I stayed in, watching tv and on my laptop.
I did decide to walk my dog into the new year, and suprisingly enough he wasn't insanely scared of the fireworks.
The fireworks didn't turn out so well either - it was cloudy, but it did however make the sky around light up blue, red, yellow, green - twas quite pretty.

So now its the new year, and what is the next thing to be expected?
New Year's Resolutions.
every year we make them, every year they are similar and every year we don't manage them (well in my case anyway)
the most typical ones are : save money, quit smoking, lose weight.

I haven't made any resolutions
I might make some, I might not.

I find it ridiculous that we use new years to make resolutions, that we can only make that at new years, as if saying in June that as from the first day of the month we're gonna try and change something, it seems stupid. (talking from personal experience here)

Anyway
Happy New Year
I hope it is a good one :)

I need sleep

(maybe the celebrations are just an excuse, to get drunk, to stay up late, to act stupid, and to be like a 6year old watching fireworks...)

That day of year again!!

2008-12-25T13:38:00.006Z

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten, and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white.

And yes, there it is, it is CHRISTMAS!!!
Where you spend time buying presents, going round shops wondering who would like what, who you will buy presents for, how much to spend, and then you must actually buy wrapping paper, scissors, sticky tape. Afterwards you must find time to wrap them up (nicely, of course).
Then a tree must be bought, and it must be the right one, not too big, not too small, not too thin, not too thick, not too soon, not too late, not too expensive, not too cheap.
And the decorations that go with it, lights, tinsel, balls, and various other cute things to attach (and sometimes a star or angel ontop, but not always)
And all of these come together on christmas eve, when the tree is all decorated and the pretty presents are all around the tree, waiting to be opened the next morning!
(omg, i forgot the stockings!! ah well, you know stockings!)

So the following morning, everyone is excited, "it's christmas!"
running down the stairs to see all the presents, to figure out which is for whom, is that big box for me??? what about the presents I bought? Will they like them!!!!?
What happens (at least at my christmases now), we must get dressed, and have breakfast first, and each person choses a present for someone to open at table, so we each open a small present at table. Once breakfast is over, we all go to the xmas tree, I tend to sit on the floor and open my presents, the others stand or sit at table.
And the day goes on with everyone enjoying their presents in their own little area of the house.
It usually ends with a YUMMY really really fattening meal at the dinner table with christmas crackers and christmas themed tablecloth and napkins etc, and then with us infront of the tv watchind dvds.

So that's my christmas, it's not very exciting (it used to be.. before, a long time ago)

But christmas has become too commercial, and people forget what it's about.
Yes, it is the birth of Jesus, and it's also about giving, (in my mind anyways). A time to celebrate family and friends, to show people you care about them, but to others also I feel, like charities and the people who are not well and must not be forgotten

I wish christmas was more about showing people you care, of bringing people together rather than it being about how much you can afford, what the best present it and having the best decorations.

I think christmas has been ruined (though it is still nice to have a tree and all the decorations and presents... does that make me a hypoctire? most likely.. but that'll be a different post)

Anyway,
I wish today was better, we'll see

But yeah, MERRY CHRISTMAS, however you spend it

...

2008-12-18T12:01:00.002Z

So, I haven't posted in ages!

I've just finished 2nd exam, so I'm done for this semester, which means that I am half way through my degree!!
I was so stressed about this exam, and the overall mark is the average between the coursework and the exam, and you have to pass both, so I hope I pass the exam, cause I got 96% on the coursework (woot!)

So for the rest of the day I am going to wrap up presents, hopefully they won't beep at the metal detector at the eurostar, and then I'm going to watch Mamma Mia with my flatmate and then go out and have some icecream!
and then pack of course

but YAY, I get to go hooooome soon!

Yay!!

2008-11-24T16:17:00.004Z

On Friday night I was talking to my friend Amy on facebook, and we were talking about tattoos and that we both wanted one NOW (so on Friday night lol) and we both said that we had pretty much the design we wanted tattooed.
So on Saturday, she came over to my flat at about 1pm and we stayed in my room designing tattoos for me, because I wanted the word HOPE on my left wrist and didn't quite know the writing i wanted it in.
So she came over, and she drew loads of different examples, and then she wrote it in french too, and we spent HOURS looking through them trying to see which was best.
We did go to lunch and watched Grey's Anatomy to take a break.
And we came to 2 designs for me and she had the one she wanted.

So the following day, Sunday, we went to the tattoo parlour at 12 (cause that's when it opened) with our designs and asked if they could do it for us on the day, they said they didn't have time and so we booked an appointment for today (Monday) at 2pm.

I could hardly sleep! and I was so nervous today, I was sick (gross, I know, but yeah)

Anyway
then got to the tattoo parlour at 1.50pm, went in and had to wait. The guy who was tattooing on the Sunday was there, and he was the guy who tattooed me! He had to put a trace of my design 3times on my wrist to get it in the right place, then off he went, and OMG was it painful! was worse than my first tattoo.
The guy was really nice, he was chatting and said if I needed a break cause of the pain then I should just tell him and it was fine. But I didn't need a break, and at first I couldn't look at the needle, but afterwards I couldn't look anywhere else!
even though it was more painful than my first, after a bit it was ok and not that bad actually.
then he put Vaseline on an wrapped my wrist in cling film, and Amy and I went to buy cling film and medical tape cause we need it for when we change the clingfilm ourselves.

At first I couldn't move my arm cause it was too painful. but now it's better. I've washed my tattoo and put cream on and put clean cling film too.

So now I will be looking after it
It still hurts, and typing is fucking awkward, but YAY

Oh, btw
I got Espoir (hope in french) tattooed across my left wrist.

Dedication, to 2 important people

2008-11-13T03:45:00.004Z

I've been having a weird few days...
But anyway, I've been bored and avoiding work, and I went through most of my photos and videos off my camera.
And some of them just made me smile, and laugh, because they were of my friends, and I love them.

So this post will be a dedication to 2 friends, who mean so much to me.

Esu
Words cannot describe her.
She's beautiful, she's funny, she's intelligent, she's kind, she's so caring, she's senitive.
I can be happy with her, I can be sarcastic with her, I can be sad with her - she's there for me and she understands me.
We can be very childish together, we can turn into giggly teenagers, staring at hot guys and making nicknames for them, but we can also be very serious and mature.
We can spend hours on the phone talking about anything and everything, from tv series to school to uni to american politics to modern day views to whether to eat a fruit salad or a sandwich.
We can even tell if the other is eating over the phone, and we can still understand what the other is saying.
She'll call me, I'll pick up "Hello?" she won't say hello, she'll just straight away say something unexpected "Americans are idiots" or "I want to be a gynaecologist"
She'll call me just to say hi, just to see how I'm doing.

She teaches me so much, and she doesn't even know it.
By being herself, saying what she wants to say, acting how she wants, she amazes me, inspires me.
Just thinking about her makes me smile.

I love her

Vikki
She is, hilarious, wild, intelligent, beautiful, caring, generous.
When I'm with her, I know I won't be judged, I can be happy or sad or stupid or serious, and we'll still have a good time.
She knows what I'm like. She makes me smile, laugh, giggle.
She is so outgoing, so confident, she seems so able to manage on her own - it amazes me.
She is so bright, warm, and just, lovely.
She'll call me, to go out for a drink or to Quick for some food, and I'll be scared and nervous, because things aren't planned, I don't know what time we'll go, what we'll do, she says that horrible word "we'll IMPROVISE", and somehow, I know that I have no reason to be nervous, because with her, not having things planned is the best thing. With her, being spontaneous is, freeing, it's not worrying about things, it's having fun, it's great :)

She too teaches me so many things about life. She doesn't even realise it.
She makes me see things differently, she inspires me.
Thinking about her brings a smile to my face.

I love her

Thinking about either one of them, gives me a sense of familiarity, of belonging.
I love them so much, they mean so much to me.
They are one of the main reasons why I go home on holidays, so I get to see them, to spend time with them, to feel accepted and loved, for who I am.

I miss them so much.
Everyday; because everyday there is something I'd want to talk to them about, about my day, about something I read or heard. everyday I'd want to spend time with them, go out to lunch, go to the cinema and wonder what food to buy. I'd want to go have a drink and decide which guy is hot and which guy isn't. I'd want to go shopping and try on crazy outfits. I'd want to go and have fattening ice cream and not have a care in the world.

They are my best friends
I love them
I miss them
I need them

just some updates

2008-11-10T11:43:00.002Z

Apparently I need to update my blog.
There is nothing specific or important that I want to talk about.. So I will simply write about my past few days, so nothing exciting!

Well, about 10days ago, I found out that one of my practicals was cancelled, and that would mean that I would be free thursday, friday and then the weekend, and I'm free on tuesdays anyway, so in a moment of madness, I bought tickets to go home for a week.
I got my tickets from the machines - twas new for me!
I then woke up early the next morning and got on my train to London, it was shite because I had no seat, so I stood up, and then decided to sit down on the floor - I got weird looks.. but hey, they were standing and I fell asleep! so HA!

Then I got to the Eurostar place and because I had spare time, I looked around the shops, and I bought myself a Donkey Teddy Bear, it's so soft and cute and fluffy!!!
Then I went through the eurostar checks, and was bored so sat down and read my magazine, and next to me in the waiting area, this chinese guy sat, he had a kings uni jumper and he was reading ..new scientist? there was deff. the word scientist in the title
and I thought of Esu :)

anyway, then I got on the train and arrived in Bxl, and because it was dark and I was tired I decided to get a bus, and not a train
so go to the busstop, and this guy started hitting on me, asking me my name, where I lived and then he blatently said "I want to go back to yours and have sex"..
and for some reason he was shocked when I said no... lol

I arrive home and rang the doorbell, my brother opened the door and looked so confused!
then my mum came home an hour later (with my aunt) and we had locked the front door so that my mum had to ring the doorbell, I opened the door and she shrieked "ah, what are you doing here!!"
She did say that it was the best birthday present though, me being home...

then just spent a week at home, doing nothing and relaxing and just.. being on holiday basically.

Then, the journey back, damn travelling!!!
the eurostar was delayed, and then I got on the train from london and I got a seat, I tried to sleep but it was so uncomfortable.
Oh, at london Euston I saw James Nesbitt
and I arrived back on thursday, so like 5days ago.

On friday night I went out. Got very drunk, and in the process I half tripped (you know when you're about to trip, you twist your ankle but don't fall over) and so my ankle/foot/leg is really painful (ive just got back from Boots and bought some cream and bandages).
I also met a girl, we got drunk and made out a couple of times and have been texting over the weekend..
And saturday, the hangover!! omg.
So I sat in my flatmates room (after waking him up at 2.30pm) and we watched grey's anatomy

and that's been my past couple of weeks
So nothing interesting, nothing amazing, but nothing too boring either.

I've just been in uni for a couple of hours, I'm now going to have lunch and maybe take a short nap.
I'm back in uni at 3 and then at 7pm I have a committee members meeting for the LGBT, and then we plan to go out drinking..
But I'm running low on money, and I'm tired and my ankle hurts.. so we'll see.

oh yeah and two randoms to end with

I LOVE HAIRSPRAY!! (the film, from 2007)

and my newest fave song
"Gotta Figure This Out - Erin Mccarley"

good day, no, great day!

2008-10-29T01:24:00.002Z

OMG I've had such a good day!!

I woke up, and then went to counselling which wasn't so good, but when I got home I went to my flatmates room and he hugged me and I sat with him and watched Heroes - which was really good!!

Afterwards we stayed in his room and watched stand up comedy on youtube - hilarious!
After that, at 6pm we went to BINGO! oh yeah, bingo, and after 3and a half hours, he won £80 which we split 50/50!!!
but it was so much fuuuun!!

Then we walked home and bought some takeaway, and sat on his bed and watched HAIRSPRAY! and I love that film, I'd never seen it before, and it was so good.
And I've just left his room, and I'm going to get some sleep now.

But I've smiled and laughed so much today :)

About something that happened - can't speak french in flandres!

2008-10-26T01:22:00.003+01:00

I'll summarise the article.
Last week, this 14year old bilingual French/Dutch girl, living in Flandres, going to a Flemish school, was attacked, cut 38times with a cutter, because she spoke French in Flandres.
She was outside school, after school, talking to her friend in french. Someone from her school, another student, beckoned her over, and then she was surrounded by other students. She got scared so took out her cutter, and in the struggle it fell and was picked up by one of the other kids, who cut her whilst the others held her, she got away after having been cut 38times, whilst the kids laughed and others who were watching laughed and clapped. All because she spoke French with her friend.
How unbelievable is that???

The girl then went home, told her mum who went to the police to complain. The girl was kicked out of school, because the headmaster said she probably cut herself and he can't insure her safety at school. The police can't do anything because there is no law against language discrimination.
So that's that for now.

I am shocked! It's just insane!!
Firstly I can't stand this stupid thing with the flemish wanting everyone to speak dutch, that kids in schools must ONLY speak dutch, after school groups, like football teams must be ONLY in dutch, restaurants have to be in dutch only and so forth. You can't even speak a different language to a family member!! I read that this one family, they were perfectly bilingual, but because they didn't speak dutch at home, they weren't allowed to buy a house in flandres..

The flemish are OUT OF CONTROL!
This sort of goes with my racism post.
HOW can they be so .... so.... gah I'm so angry at this that I can't even put how i feel into words.

It's appalling, and just.. pathetic.

Racism

2008-10-25T17:25:00.002+01:00

Racism, by its simplest definition, is the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. People with racist beliefs might hate certain groups of people according to their racial groups

I hate racism. I don't understand it.
I mean, how can people hate other people, solely on their skin colour and/or religion?
especially someone you don't know.

My brother is racist. He doesn't like black people ( which he refers to as niggers and/or monkeys) and he doesn't like asian people.
I don't understand why he feels this way. I've tried talking to him. but he does end up being hypocritical when there's say, a black actor whom he likes, but he tries to find an excuse like "he doesn't look black".

People like him, who hate others just because they look different. it doesn't make sense to me.
To me, people are people. We all have the same things (body wise). We all have skin, organs, hair, voices etc.. so how can pigmentation, something natural, cause such boundaries?!

It's not as if black people or asian people were somehow less capable or more capable or whatnot. it's not as if they were somehow different on a mental scale. We all have different languages and ways of thinking, but it doesn't make use better or worse than others. they are just differences.

With uni, we have anthropology, and in the practicals we examine skeletons, and the other week we had to examine the skull in order to identify which race/ethnicity the person was.
It was so hard to distinguish between one or the other, because they are so similar and the differences are minimal.
On a purely anatomical level, humans are the same with only slight variations when it comes to gender and ethnicity, which aren't always distinguishable.
On a physical level (as in the parts we can see), humans are pretty much the same, with again, slight variations, like height, weight, hair colour, hair texture etc.

So, if we are all so similar, why do some people hate others because of a) something they cannot control, and b) something which is natural?

In my mind, it's pathetic.

Probably going on a trip with uni!

2008-10-22T21:23:00.003+01:00

I have just read Esu's blog, and OMG, I will have to make a post or two about some of the things she's mentioned, but later.

I just want to YAY about today, because I went to the information meeting about the trip to Kenya. And my mum said I can go!
I'm probably GOING TO KEEEEEENYA!!!!!

The trip is a lot like the Zambia trip from nearly 3years ago, but there's no teaching in schools this time. We'd stay in a small camp, with similar huts, beds, people. We'd go and see various sites because this trip is for anthropologists and archaeologists. So looking at bones and anatomy and comparing them to humans and also seeing the difference between bones found indoors and outdoors (useful for forensics)

I really want to go.

I love Africa. I really do.
Thinking about Africa (not the main tourist places, but like our trip to Zambia),
it makes me smile :)

Money! it's evil

2008-10-17T11:34:00.004+01:00

I actually should be getting ready to go to the library before uni.. So this may be a bit rushed

After reading Esu's blog about MSF and IMC, it got me angry.
not because of what she mentioned, but because of money.
Yes, MONEY.

That HORRIBLE word.
I hate it, I really do.
(well, actually I love having money, but it's more the concept of money and what it makes people do/not do)

Money is an evil thing.
All is does is create conflict, divides people, makes people rich and powerful whilst making others poor and insignificant.

I'm so sick and tired of this whole idea of, the more money you have the better you are, and if you have less than X amount you qualify as scum.
I admit that I sometimes just go with society. not so much with the idea of the more money the better, but more I feel uncomfortable around homeless people.

But the main thing that bothers me with money is that the people who have money, do nothing or very little with it. which relates to Esu's post on Africa.
I mean, there are people who have pots and pots of money, and they use it for personal benefit, when there are people who NEED it.
It reminds me of a scene in Hancock, where there is a meeting between people with money from pharmaceutical companies, and this one guy wants them to give one of their medicines, for free, to people in Africa who can't afford it.
And these men look stunned, "did you say for free?"
As if giving something, to people who really need it, without getting paid, is this alien concept which would kill them.
And it angers me that people don't give more often, that money is all they live by.

You don't realise it, but pretty much everything in everyday life is controlled by money.
How much you spend on food. How long you leave your lights on because of bills. How you travel because of the cost of a ticket. What clothes you wear because of laundry and paying for that.
Or what to buy because it'll cost £x and it might be cheaper next week. Or if you can go out with friends, because you'll need to spend £x.

It gets me so annoyed that we are all so restricted because of money. And those who aren't, pride themselves in having money, but I feel they don't deserve it, if all they are going to do is use it in order to get more money (eg, by investing)
People think money=happiness. IT DOES NOT!!!

Yes I have money, not a lot, but compared to people here at uni with me, I'm comfortable as they say. So when my friends need money, they want to go out and spend time with friends, but have only £10 for the next week, I will buy them drinks. If they need money to buy books, or clothes, or a present or anything really, I will lend them the money.
And everyone seems so surprised by this.
"you're lending them money? but they might not pay you back!"
and, so what?
Am I going to die, starve, fail uni or anything bad, because I've lent my friend £20???
No, I won't, and in the process I have made someone smile if just for a moment, doesn't that matter?

Why does money have to control our every move?! (well maybe not EVERY move, but you get my point)

It gets me so angry.
We are losing important parts of ourselves because of money. It can control our friendships, our family, our "label" in society.
It makes people restrict themselves, be mean, hate others, causes conflicts, and then it can fail and cause chaos (eg bankruptcies).

I mean, remember when the petrol prices when up? it caused so much uproar. All people saw was the price, they didn't think about WHY it went up, or WHERE it came from, or WHO was responsible, all they saw was "it's gone up, I have to spend more money"

it angers me
and saddens me
that bits of paper, coins, and imaginary money (I mean, when you go to the bank, there is no actual hard money there, when you check your bank account, they are just numbers on a screen...)
can cause so much pain, so many conflicts and debates and just... be such an important part in everything, when it really shouldn't be.

and a quick quote I just found

"He does not possess wealth; it possesses him."
Benjamin Franklin

(I'm late for uni!!!!)

Annoyed with a friend rant

2008-10-16T13:14:00.004+01:00

Well, I want to do more informative posts, sort of, a bit more like Esu's blog.

Today I want to talk about a friend, and I'm really annoyed with him.

My friend, I confided in him about something that's not really a big deal (actually confided in him about other stuff too), just that I've never really had a proper relationship and so have not been intimate with guys(or girls for that matter). and he's gay, and he is, well, slag isn't really the right word, but he enjoys getting laid as often as he can.
All my friends here at uni just assume that I have been intimate, probably because everyone seems to think I'm in my 20's and they just assume, which doesn't bother me.

So, he likes sex. he loves it. he needs it. and he does talk about it with me, about various guys he's been with, about this one guy who is amazing in bed apparently, etc (not in detail obviously).
And I don't mind it.
But when I told him about me, he was gobsmacked (seriously, his jaw dropped and he just looked so shocked)
His reaction was

"OMG Cat, really? You HAVE to have sex, it is amazing, you're really missing out. Why don't you, I'll find you someone. You have to have sex, seriously how can you not?"

Which, is not the best of responses.
But I just told him that it's my life, he loves sex, good for him, and it doesn't bother me. I don't quite care right now. And when I'm ready to, I'll be ready to. I mean, it's my own private life so what the hell.
But he just kept going on and on about it. How I'm a freak for not having sex cause it's the best thing in the world and blah blah blah

It bothered me, I got annoyed but didn't really tell him.
I just kept telling him to stop going on about it, it's none of his business.
But he kept going on about it. And then we'd go out drinking and he'd drunkenly shout at me (when we were out with loads of people), saying "Cat you really need to get laid" , and he'd say it about... a dozen times a night.

And one time I got really angry, I got serious and said "ffs, if you keep going on about it and saying it whenever you get drunk I will get angry and I will stop talking to you"
(I mean, I confided in him, I trusted him, he's supposed to keep it to himself, it's none of his business, he shouldn't go round mentioning it)
He apologised and said he'd try not to go on about it when he's drunk.
And he stopped.... for about a week.

Last night, he got very drunk (as he always does)
and we were in his room with friends, chatting, drinking, smoking.
And I can't remember how it got mentioned, but he just blatantly went "Yeah and Cat's never had sex, she's a viiiiiiiirgin"
as if it was one of the worst things ever

And it's got me annoyed, it's not so much that the others now know, because to be honest, most were wasted and can't remember much, but one of them sort of knew and another he's probably my closest friend here at uni and I don't care if he knows.
It's the fact that he just blurted it out, as if.. it was just a casual conversation, and that my sex life was a perfectly normal thing to blurt out

I trusted him, (granted it's not something that's terribly important but still) and he just kept going on about it and then just told people.
He could blame the alcohol, but that is a shit excuse. it doesn't fucking work that way.

So yeah,
Right now I am so fucking pissed off at him.
I don't even want to talk to him or see him.
Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing?

I don't know how to react to it, what to do about it.
I don't want to forgive him, because I had warned him, asked him to be careful, and he didn't give a shit.
The alcohol is not an excuse.

*rant over*

29/07/08 - Trekking - Walking Above Clouds - Roque de Los Muchachos

2008-08-04T15:29:00.007+01:00

So, when we got to the hotel, we were told of various things around the island that we could do, of which one which is called "Roque de Los Muchachos" - Rock of the little boys (don't ask me why it's called that, I have no idea!) but this place, it is the highest point of the island - 2426m. And from there you can see 3 of the other 6 Canary Islands. It's quite something.
We were given a leaflet of various trekkings, by a company called "natuur trekking" (yes, they are flemish) and basically they do 9 different trekkings around the island (3are easy, 3are medium and 3are hard).
The one we chose to do was a medium - 4hours of walking.
We didn't actually realise what it entailed, and weren't really ready for it! but we managed anyway.

So, we bought the tickets, and on the Tuesday, we woke up early, got ready : packed 2 bags with water and food and suncream and caps and a towel and various other things we needed.

Got on the bus at 8:30am, and we had to cross the island to another hotel to get another bunch of people - took an hour.
So at 9:45 we left the other hotel and started going up the road to the top of the mountain - apparently that road has 420bends in it!
And as people had rented cars, they went up by themselves to a point where we stopped to have a drink and go to the toilet and meet up with the other people who then joined on the bus as they didn't have permission to go to the top (I think).
Oh and when I say toilet, I mean bushes for which to go behind.

Anyway, by then it was about 11am, so we continued up to the top, where there is the observatory

"The seeing statistics make it the second best location for optical and infrared astronomy in the Northern Hemisphere, after Mauna Kea Observatory, Hawaii. The site has some of the premier astronomical facilities in the Northern Hemisphere, including the adaptive optics corrected Swedish Solar Telescope which provides the highest resolution solar imaging of any telescope"

Then we got to the top, to the Roque and we got off the bus and continued on foot. We arrived there at about 11:45.
The route, well, path, was very rocky, and sometimes very steep! it was EXHAUSTING!
We finished at about 3:30pm and got back to the hotel at 6pm.
I was sunburnt! Being so high up and near the sun, no clouds, hardly any wind.

This is a view from google maps of what we did. I mean, if it took us nearly 4hours, you can imagine just how much it was. I think they said it was about 6-7kms of walking.

There was one amazing thing about the place. When you stopped moving/making noise. There was this silence. No birds, no wind, no talking, no cars, no nothing.

Just silence.

Just nature

The other day... Today

2008-07-30T11:13:00.002+01:00

The other day for dinner, I wore my nice trousers - the ones that make my bum look good, I had my nice black top that has good cleavage - but not too much. It showed my tattoo. I had a nice new necklace on. I had my hair down. And it was black so went well with my tanned skin. - I felt pretty.

Today that feeling is gone.

meh

2008-07-24T22:06:00.002+01:00

Well, I feel like I should write an update of some sort... Though there isn't much to say!

(I plan to write some more informative posts, but right now I really can't be arsed)

-It's warm here - very
-we had some clouds for like An hour, but really little ones.
-There was a security guard lady person today, going round and round the same area as if protecting something or someone.. and it's not the hotel, tis a private company - maybe there's someone important in this hotel
-some people here have absolutely no manners

I always have crushes on the wrong people
...
..
.

Hot/Attractive people..

2008-07-21T22:51:00.002+01:00

...Don't realise the pressure they put on other people.

Being here in the Canary Islands, there are a lot of Spaniards, of which tall, muscly, in swimsuits, tanned guys, who are, well, very easy on the eyes :)
But I just can NOT bring myself to even go to the pool when they are there, because it makes me feel like I'm huge (and fugly)
Also, I get the feeling that attractive people know that they are, and are oblivious to the others around them, whom they judge.
I mean, I've been sunbathing and then skinny, tanned, attractive girls walk by and yeah.. It's just rather unpleasant.

Random note - there was a massive cockroach stuck in the bath plug. It must have tried to crawl out of the plug and got stuck half way, meaning that the top part of it was sticking out, and it had it's little legs and whatnot waving about trying to get out - you could actually hear the tapping of it's legs.
Very creepy, considering it was the first cockroach I'd seen.

Random note 2 : everything on the laptop is in Spanish, rather quite fun.

Just a few words

2008-07-20T11:44:00.005+01:00

So, first officially day in the hotel.

Yesterday, left the house at 3:15am, got to the airport at about 3:45am. Then by 4am we were in the waiting area for planes...
Got some breakfast (well, "breakfast", was a cup of coffee and a croissant). had to stay awake so that my mum could sleep.
Then at 5:45 we could start boarding the plane, we were all in buy 6:15 - bloody plane was packed!

Plane took off, and we were in the skies! I fell asleep and woke up at 7:30.. then we were brought breakfast - not the nicest of things! but hey, better than nothing.
Then just kept falling asleep for 20minutes here, 10minutes there - not very nice, very uncomfortable, boiling hot, not much room!

At 9:25 (local time, so 10:25 Belgian time)
Stopped off in Lanzarote for about 30minutes, to refuel the plane and let some passengers off and some more on.

Then 10:20 we took off again for another 40minutes. I slept pretty much the whole time.

Arrived at the airport - it only has one strip! and my the island is just a massive rock! it's so dry!

then got on a bus - the usual "tourist" bus. And it took over an hour to get to our hotel. we had to cross the island! we had to go so high in the mountains we were ABOVE clouds, I mean, WOW!!!

The hotel is really nice.
We went to have lunch and it was practically empty.
though most people in the hotel are Spanish, so I assumed they were still at the pool and whatnot, as Spaniard tend to have their meals late and then take a nap.
Other than Spaniards, lots of Germans, and a few flemish.

Anyway, so back to the room, get our bearings and all, change into swimsuits and off to the seaside (the one that is literally next to the hotel. You can sit on the terrasse for dinner and if you climbed over you'd a few metres away from the shoreline)
As the island is a volcanic one, the sand is black!
It was so bloody cold, but I only went in for about 10minutes. the current was just so strong! and the waves really big.
So instead, we went to one of the two pools, went in for about an hour.
Then shower, dinner, and bed! I mean, we hadn't been in a bed since Thursday night! and the only sleep we'd had was a couple of hours on a plane! so not the best of sleep.

Now, today, haven't yet been to the pool, the tour guide lady person from the company we booked came and so we were told about stuff around the island.
I want to go visit one of the volcanoes, but it's far, it takes about 8hours, and I'm sooo tired!!

The reception area has wireless internet (just got it 3weeks ago!) so as my mum brought her laptop, I'm in the reception area at the moment, sitting at a table with a bottle of coke light and the pretty pretty laptop!

Also, I'm sick of there being so many hot (tanned)spanish guys and hot (tanned)spanish girls. Just makes me feel so out of place. So ugly and fat.

Well, it's 13:40 right now. Lunch is from 13:00 to 16:00.
So I'm gonna go get my mum, so we can go to lunch, then take our time to change back into swimsuits and hopefully go swimming and hopefully tan!

Well, that's all for now, from La Palma.

I'm about to go on holiday (the taxi picks us up at 3am - in 3hours) and..

2008-07-18T22:47:00.004+01:00

..I'm very very very very very stressed and nervous.
My mum is packing, so I don't actually know if the luggages are done - I took a shower.

I haven't eaten since... around 3ish (so not too long) but my mum and brother have had dinner.
I need to get my handluggage bag ready - just a book, camera, meds (I'm ill so yeah, need meds) and little things - that shouldn't take too long.

I need to tidy my room too! I mean, gah, it needs to be tidy so that it can be hoovered and all ...clean, as I'm going for two weeks.

My flight is at 6am, (I think) and it's like a 5-6hour flight. I'm PANICKING.
I plan to sleep in the plane, cause when you sleep, time seems to go faster (cause you sleep so aren't really aware of time going by, and so when you wake up it's later than.. than before. It makes sense in my mind)

I have to finish Purple Hibiscus before I leave. Yes that does only give me about 2hours to finish it,but hey, I have 25pages left!

I read about 120pages of it yesterday. and, I really like the book - Thanks Sue Sue

Anyway,
must get ready

Will be back in August.

another random update of random things you don't need to know

2008-07-11T00:21:00.007+01:00

Well, not much to say, as not much has happened.

I went to the cinema the other day, watched "Seuls Two" with Eric et Ramzy - not a great film, kind of funny but it gets kinda tiresome I think...

Been inside the house, doing nothing much, as usual on holidays. Plus with all the rain it's kinda hard to go out and do stuff..

Today I received in the mail my order off amazon : The Marilyn Manson book " long hard road out of hell" and a CSI video game.
The book I have not yet started as I'm still reading "Purple Hibiscus".
The game, I started at about 9pm, and have already finished it.. hehe, mind you it wasn't too hard!

And I've realised that I have to go shopping! I need to buy stuff because I'm going on holiday!
In a week I leave for the Canary Islands for two weeks - means I need lots of summer clothes and swimsuits and various other..summery things.

But I've been distracted by lovely tv and books and random things which are trivial.
Such as that the other day my brother and I found an egg in the garden. A cute small round white egg which felt full. I imagine there was a little baby bird of some sort inside, so I took some leaves and made a small nest type thing (to keep it warm) and put it back where I had found it, because maybe a mummy bird had put it there and was going to come back to get it (mind you what do I know about birds eh?) and now it's no longer there - I like to think that it was taken back or hatched or something - but that it lives.
Also, I got bored, so watched the Italian Job (the modern version) - and I love it!
And, I re watched (about 3times) The Mean Machine. It's such a good film, I love it! English films fucking rock!
The trailer is kinda shite (in my mind) but I do suggest that you watch the film. I think someone has put it up on youtube if ever you want.

(there's a moth in my room flying around in circles by the light. it's quite cute yet sad)

And to finish
my new favourite song at the moment.
Priscilla Ahn - Dream

Just a day I suppose

2008-07-03T22:03:00.004+01:00

Well, I guess you could say today has been a constructive day - to a certain extent.

I've been up since 9h30 just doing stuff around the house, tidying, cleaning, more cleaning and gah, it's been exhausting, haven't been on my laptop aaaaall day!!!

It's also felt like a lonely day.. just.. no one except my family, and that..sucks! and as I've been away from my laptop haven't spoken to anyone.. and even now, no one is talking to me on msn!
Although, as I was tidying and cleaning in my room my dog came in and lay down and fell asleep, right in the middle of my room! twas so sweet!

So, a lonely day it has been, especially with the weather, so now I'm sat in bed, half asleep listening to music which reminds me of Ben Barnes.
Ah Ben Barnes! my new obsession!

"Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, desire, and/or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another."

I am definitely infatuated with Ben Barnes.

Anyway
I wish I could come up with more interesting things to write! like Esu's blog!
ah well - I'll improvise and try to make it interesting hehe (ideas welcome)

I want to read more!
At the moment I'm reading the book Esu bought for me "Purple Hibiscus". well, 'reading' as I started it a few days ago and have only read about 30pages! If I can stay awake for a bit I might try reading another 10 pages or so. It isn't much, but it's something, and reading is great!

Well, here we are,
no more to say
no more that comes to mind
I guess that's it for today
Tomorrow I'm (supposed) to be going shopping, so hopefully a better day

general mood : unsure
mood after seeing pictures of Ben Barnes : infatuated!!!!

Random Update

2008-07-02T23:33:00.003+01:00

Feel I should update... after reading and commenting on Esu's blog, mine seems so... shite!
I wish I could make a blog like Esu's, so Useful and funkaaay

Today, WOO BEN BAAAAAAAAARNES
*faints in awe at his gorgeousness*
he is just, so bloody yummy and has that intense stare!

And it was good to spend time with Esu and my lovely Wife.

Right now, I'm sat on my bed listening to music after having spent about an hour reading Esu's blog and commenting on the 3most recent posts.
There is a storm outside, lightening is insane, the thunder has been horrendous (in a kind of really cool way hehe) and it has scared my dog shitless
he's going around the house panting and shaking and crying - it's horrible!

I'm also going through pictures of Ben Barnes and saving them and just looking at him and wanting him to be miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! all mine mine mine!

and Can't think of much more to write today
I'm sure I'll find something to write about tomorrow.

Quote of the day
Esu : Ben Barnes is a sex god.

hyper for now

2008-06-26T23:48:00.003+01:00

I'M HAPPY!!!

After spending a few hours with Esu today, I'm happy.
today was amazing, cinema, sunshine, Esu, laughter, sexy actors (SHIIIAAAAA), meeting people from school, pretty sunset, cool breeze outside
I'm hyper, and happy
and I'm not letting the things which upset me upset at the moment. I don't care, I'm gonna be happy tonight!

EEEH

There is no point to this post but to express my hyperness and happiness which I am feeling at the moment.

that is all

oh and thoughts of the day :
I love Esu
Men are fucking sexay

and quote of the day
Shia : [when asked about what type of girls he likes] I like the dark, mysterious, maybe even gothic type girls.

*squeals in hyperness*

Life

2008-06-05T16:24:00.004+01:00

Life is long
Life is short

Life is complicated
Life is simple

Life is slow
Life is quick

Life is yesterday

Life is today
Life is tomorrow

Life is others
Life is ourselves
Life is nobody

Life is things
Life is people

Life is what we make of it
Life is predetermined

Life is strange

Life is nothing
Life is everything

Life is beautiful

Life is special

Life is indescribable

Pissed off-ness

2008-05-25T18:04:00.003+01:00

Well, I'm back in Brussels for a few days.

I was expecting it to be great.
For weeks I've been sick of Preston and wanting to go home, to have my own bed, a big house, a garden, my dog - to have more room.
And I've been counting down the days.
And I was so glad to go home.

Now I'm home.
It was great when I got here
- my dog, lots of room, nice food, fresh air

Then I went to the school's 50th, and that sucked.

Back at home, with my mum - I should have known it would suck.
We still don't get along and she is still the same old angry narrow-minded short-tempered woman as always.
I can't bloody stand her

This holiday SUCKS

and I now cannot wait to go back to Preston
to be with my friends, to go out clubbing, but I know that as soon I get back, I'll wish I were home.

this really really REALLY fucking sucks

.

2008-05-20T16:44:00.002+01:00

Today I had my last exam

Today I officially finished my first year of uni.

It's gone by so fast

It's scary

Exams and worrying about them and the things I do to avoid them

2008-05-12T21:11:00.010+01:00

So today I had my 2nd exam.

My first exam was biology last week, and that went ok I guess.
It was 40multiple choice questions and then 5long answer questions.
Think the multiple choice went ok. BUT the long answer questions, I know I seriously fucked one of them up, and then another I'm not too sure about.. and GAH

Today I had anthropology - 50multiple choice questions - finished in 15minutes.
I think I made at least about 8-10mistakes, but ah well, it's 0.25 of a mark off for every mistake, so I should still be fine... right...? and what if I made more mistakes than that.?

Now I have one left, the worst, the hardest, oh yes, the dreaded CHEMISTRY!
I have not yet started studying (not a good thing I hear you say), nope, not a good thing at all, but I will, well, I PLAN to study and work my arse off for it, and hopefully it will go ok, well... as long as I don't fail it.

I've relaxed today, bought a book in HMV
"The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & other stories" by Tim Burton

READ IT!

The stories are short (as in some are about 10lines long!), and it's all online riiiiight here http://homepage.eircom.net/~sebulbac/burton/home.html

Also, I bought more Disney stickers and have finally finished decorating my laptop

The front (excuse the fuzzy piccy, but you get the idea, it doesn't have to be perfect for you to figure out it's covered in beautiful disney stickers)

yes that IS a clip from Pocahontas!
and Yes that IS the lovely mouse-pad that Esu gave me hanging up on the wall. Tis too pretty to use as a mouse-pad.

aaaand the back

Today

2008-05-10T22:26:00.002+01:00

Today makes 5 years.

:-(

mood : upset
methods of cheering up :
-Ben & Jerry's
- Disney

more randoms avoiding studying

2008-05-09T14:36:00.003+01:00

Again, I am bored and doing the most random things in order to avoid studying.

I have just bought paper and pens for which to write notes as I had run out.
Therefore I am ready to study, paper, pens, highlighters, open powerpoint presentations, but NO I bought stickers instead.
I removed the nail varnish from my laptop and now am sticking Disney stickers all over it, hehehehe
grey laptop is too boring, colourful disney-stickered laptop is better

on a different note
I've been let down :(
by my mother.. I guess I shouldn't be surprised..
She was supposed to come to the UK to help me carry all my stuff home as I have quite a bit of stuff and carrying all home on my own is..well, it would be rather difficult.
But now, she can't make it, "it's too expensive" and a load of other excuses
which means that I have to go home for a week, then back to the Uk for a week and then BACK AGAIN to Belgium

It's gonna suck

Boredom and randoms

2008-05-08T01:28:00.009+01:00

Firstly, WHY is it that when I wear my boots - my new platform heels (piccy just below) people stare at me and either the girls think I'm some sort of slut, and some guys think it's weird and give me bitch looks, whilst other guys check me out and give me a cheeky grin.
I mean, I love my boots, why can't people just accept that I have a different style without assuming that these boots are Slut boots and think that is a good thing or a bad thing.
I was having a cigarette outside my flat and this guy gave me a cheeky grin and said "getting lucky tonight?!"

Moving on,
being bored, having nail varnish and already having painted my nails AND having a plain grey laptop has made me colour bits and bobs of my laptop with my lovely nail varnish xD.

On a better note, the other day I had an AMAZING dream.
It was me, random people from tv shows I find hilarious, this one hot actor I have a slight obsession with for now (which should pass soon...) and the best part of the dream, it was me, Esu, Vikki and Sophie. The 4 of us, together being random and laughing and smiling. And it made me smile - I remember in the dream I was smiling and laughing and I felt so happy -

I felt at home

I MISS YOU MY BELOVED FRIENDS!!!

mood : unsure ... :(
music : Porcelain and the Tramps - Sugar Cube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSHjW38bilQ

Randomness distracts the mind from exams

2008-05-04T11:28:00.005+01:00

Well, it's that dreaded time of EXAMS.

Fine, I only have 3, but still, the biology one is insanely filled with genetics! reason? - next year's biology module is "forensic genetics", so you need to understand the EASY (apparently) first year's genetics in order to be even remotely ok for next year's HARD genetics... ah well

Then CHEMISTRY! omfg I'm so scared of failing that! I will have to work work work work my arse off for it. Granted it's in 2weeks, but still, I'm panicking about it right now (or maybe I'm just hungry?...)

On a different note - I miss singing, and acting - so bloody much.
But here the walls are so thin I can hear my neighbours upstairs when their front door shuts, so were I to start singing.... yeah...
Though my flat is slowly starting to empty, I am actually alone in the flat atm. And yesterday saw lots of people in other flats packing their stuff and leaving.
I guess as all lectures are finished and it's just the exams, they are all going home and will just come in for the 2hour exam...
but I am stuck here in this shiteasstic flat and can't bloody stand it. Can't wait to go home. But of course, I have too much stuff to take back on my own, means my mother will come and help me take stuff, which means it has to be ok with her work timetable, which...blows.
And in the meantime, I can't go out drinking because a) I've hardly any money left and b) I have to study.
And as I hardly have any money, I can't go out shopping, can't buy new things to distract myself from the studying, which I guess in itself is a good thing - can't see the positive side of it myself.

On a lighter note, my piercing is healing, granted it's taking fuck ages, but still. And I can finally eat normally, still can't really brush my teeth easily, but I'll have to make do with it being really awkward until I but a new stud.

A little piccy for the end of this boring ranting post?

ok, a piccy it'll be

Just a day

2008-04-23T15:38:00.003+01:00

You know how sometimes things can be too good to be true..?

It's how I feel about today - most things are going too well, I get the feeling it's all going to come crashing down and .... just suck

Received 2 of my online orders today, woo, and all the stuff is just great!
Uni sucked of course, but I've only got 3hours left of uni, 3HOURS

the weather is great too!

and the best part of today

I got my first piercing!!!
A lip piercing, not just at the lip but a bit below, I'll put a picture up some time..
and it hurt far less than I expected.

Hopefully the days to come will be alright

...

2008-04-13T02:39:00.002+01:00

Well, been having a shitty couple of days...

Had to finish my coursework, and I finished fine, handed it in on time, but now I'm worried I hurried it up and so didn't finish certain sentences and whatnot - but I don't dare check what I've got on my laptop incase that is the case! cause there's nothing I can do about it now is there... ah well

Went out to the LGBT meeting, got my hoodie - it's fab lol, can't stop wearing it it's all cosy
but yeah, went to the meeting, had like, 2cigs, and didn't have a single drink, which is good.. I think.

I wanted to spend money on some stuff I saw on a website, I really REALLY want the stuff, and I could easily afford it, but my landlord for next year called me, and said that within the week I have to pay my deposit for my flat for next year, which means I might not be able to get what I want... well, I prolly can, but not as soon as I want it...

And my god am I bored shitless
I have no dvds to watch, I have no books to read (I stupidly left them at home - idiot), I don't even have any coursework to do! and I won't have any more this year. I mean, I'm now free on mondays and thursdays, only 2hours on the tuesday, 1hour on wednesdays, and MAYBE 1hour on friday, so not even in uni much anymore... Just going to have to start studying for the exams in 3weeks, which will go badly as I never bloody study... and having nothing to do but work or get absolutely shitfaced is not a good thing, especially atm...

so, shit times lie ahead...

...

*sarcastic yay*

mood : upset

5/4/08

2008-04-07T00:47:00.000+01:00

My journey from Brussels to Preston!

So, early morning on Saturday, showered, finished packing, chatted on msn (as always!), had breakfast, yet I didn't feel as though as I was traveling (I'm such a nervous traveler - so not being nervous was a bad sign)
And of course my mum took ages to get ready and I missed the train to get to Gare du Midi (to get the Eurostar)
So, she had to drive about 25 minutes to Demey metro station, and we had to take the metro to Arts-loi (I think?) and then to Gare du Midi.
So instead of getting there at 10:45, I arrived at 11:15.
Anyway, there were looooads of people there, the queue was huge, but I went through, got my passport checked and whatnot.
Then through the metal detectors and I did NOT beep, which is odd as I always beep and always get checked, so as this was different, it should have been another sign that the journey wouldn't be good.
Got onto the train at 11:45, and just as everyone sat down, there was an old man and his wife (they were Flemish - yes it matters!) and he took out his dentures and handed them to his wife and started eating a sandwich - twas gross!! and there was loads of saliva dangling from it EW.
Then, we left, and about 5minutes into the journey, on the speaker thingy, the guy said "A white plastic carrier bag was found, if you have lost it please come and claim it"
another sign that something was going to go wrong!

Anyway, then arrived in London at 1pm, met up with my aunt and we walked from St Pancras to Euston, sat down and had some food from Burger King. Then at 2:30 pm we checked the timetable because my train to Preston was at 3.03pm and wanted to see if I could already get onto the train, and on the board it said "Departure Delayed" for all trains.
So that wasn't good, then after waiting and checking then it was announced on the speakers that there was a problem with the rails at Rugby Station and so all trains going North which would be going near or to Rugby were cancelled, and to ask at the virgin trains office for information on what to do.
So the queue there was very long, had to wait about 10minutes. Then was told I had to take a train from King's Cross to Sheffield, change there and take a train to Manchester, then change and take a train to Preston.
So, walked to King's Cross, asked there, and they told us to go to St Pancras, so walked to there, and asked, and the guy was really helpful!! I had to wait til 4.25pm to get a train, my aunt walked with me to the train. (as I've never traveled on my own except three times and that was just Preston-London, London-Brussels, so not too hard as I had done that before with others) There were literally hundreds of people getting on the train, I got on the train, had to stand and sort of half sit on my suitcase as I was in the 'hall', the little places between carriages, next to the toilets, and we were about 5 there all stuck as the train was full.
So the train left at 4.30pm, and it arrived at Sheffield at 7.10 pm. The train to Manchester was on the same platform (so that was ok as there were about 10platforms mostly all with a's, b's and c's) at 7.40pm, so I sat down (finally!) and texted and had a drink and just relaxed.

Then arrived the small train to Manchester, and sat down and the train wasn't working! The doors wouldn't shut (talk about a shit day huh) and the driver and a couple of others came along and fiddled with it, and 15minutes later it got working. So at 7.55pm the train left and at 8.55pm arrived in Manchester. So I had to carry my luggage across the station, and there was no train to Preston until over an hour later, which sucked, but I noticed there was a train to Blackpool, but it didn't say which stops were in between, so I had to carry my luggage all the way back to the platform where the Blackpool train was going to be at, and then at 9.10pm it showed up on the board thingy and it said all the stations it was going to stop at, of which Preston! So it arrived at 9.15pm, I got on, had to stand as it was quite full, and at 10.10pm it arrived at Preston, and again, had to carry my luggage across the station. Got to the outside of the station and took a taxi home. So got into my flat by 10.30pm
I should have arrived by 6.30pm! Stupid rail lines not working made me have to travel an extra 4hours! how horrible!

But I managed, and I was so exhausted I slept until 4pm today! :-D
which does mean that I had my last packet of noodles today and so have no more food, so tomorrow must go buy food and various other errands.

TADA
that was my journey back to Preston.
First time I had to travel on my own to somewhere I had never been before.

mood : tired and should be sleeping but need to plan my day tomorrow first
music : listening to Jimmy Carr live 2005

First post

2008-04-07T00:43:00.000+01:00

I wanted to start off with something important, or interesting, or just something cool, but hey, things don't go to plan!

So here I am, at quarter to one in the morning when I should be fast asleep as tomorrow I start back at uni again for the last month and then exams and then finished first year of uni!

mood : unsure
music : listening to Jimmy Carr live 2005