Friday, 13 March 2009

Friendships

I tried to ignore it, but I can't anymore.

Friendships are not equal/balanced.
I think the same is valid for romantic relationships.
but right now I'm talking about friendships.

There is always someone in the relationship who loves the other person more.
It's generally reasonably the same, like 60/40, but not in my case.

I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm hypersensitive, or maybe because of other stuff, but it seems that for me, I care about someone a lot more than they care about me, around 90/10 or 80/20.
It feels that way.

and it SUCKS.

So yes, I am disappointed in people, I am angry and sad, because I care about them, and I am their friend, but many times it feels like they're not my friend.





I do expect more from certain of my friends, I hope for more, because I really am willing to do a lot for my friends.

No this does not make me selfish.


FUCK
this sucks


mood: upset, angry, disappointed
music: maria mena

Friday, 6 March 2009

5 Lessons

"1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

'Absolutely, ' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her name was Dorothy.



2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride, soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read:

'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.



3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.

'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.



4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.



5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her."

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

random update

So, since last time:

I read the 4 twilight books and I'm absolutely in love with them!!!
Was disappointed by the film, compared to the book, it kinda.. sucked?

I went to an audition on Saturday, for a play at uni. A 'friend' of mine is gonna direct it she let me have the audition as a 1-2-1 with her, and it went ok. she said I should come back for the call-back, like the second round of auditions so that the final cast can be decided.
But today I got another assignment, due for the same time as the play, which means I'll have 4 big assignments due for the same week, which would be the week of the play. So, I had to turn down the play :(
very crappy indeed

On a final note
I have officially quit smoking :)
I have had 1 cig in the past 2weeks, and I plan to stop altogether, or maybe have 1 or 2 when I go out, but that's it.
So that's good

Anyway, I've had a really really shit day
except that I got 20minutes free to call any number in the uk, and guess who I'm going to call tomorrow? Esu!

Saturday, 7 February 2009

twilight

My friend who is in and out of hospital, she told me that before she came back to uni in March, I needed to watch the Twilight film.
I told her that I'd read the book first, and that it'd probably take me about a month or so to read it because I'm such a slow reader; so I'd have read the book in time for when she gets back.

So I downloaded the book (I wasn't going to buy, incase I didn't like it).
I read the few chapters (about 60pages) on wednesday, and I really liked it. Then on thursday I checked the cinema times for when the film was being shown, and they were only showing it on saturday and sunday (so this weekend).
Friday evening when I got home, I started reading again, and I read it ALL! I finished it at about 3am this morning, but I read over 200 pages in one evening, can you believe it!!

and I LOVE the book!!

So now I plan to read the other 3 books, and tomorrow, I'm going to the cinema to watch the film. I can't wait!!

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

just an odd update

So, I was looking forward to yesterday, and.. it turned to be very different than expected.

I was planning on going to an audition for the uni's drama society. I was ready for it, well, I was dressed and had my bag and I was on time, but when it came to leaving the flat, I panicked and couldn't leave my flat.
So after about 15minutes I decided to leave the flat and walk to the building, and if I couldn't do it, I'd go to the shop and buy comfort food. On the way I bumped into my flatmate, and we bought booze and junk food. So instead of the audition, I got drunk and ate junk food.

Then we had a pub quiz, and my team won by 10points, WOOT!
What surprised me, is that my team, it was me, my flatmate, his boyfriend, his friend, and another friend. Now those people (excluding me), they are like.. they always hang out together, smoke and drink, they're like the cool people, but the cool drinking/smoking/do drugs kinda people. It makes sense in my head.
And I felt comfortable with them; felt...good :)

And then more drinking and smoking til about 4am..

Anyway
It was a weird day yesterday
Today is worse
I think I'll go take a nap, and sleep through my tutorial, cba'ed


*sigh*