.. I feel pretty
:-)
Saturday 21 March 2009
Friday 20 March 2009
crappy time
So, I'm stressing and panicking about uni.
On tuesday afternoon I have a genetics exam type thing. Which'll be 1-2-1 and it'll involve oral questions, maths questions, and practical techniques - it's going to suck.
Then a couple of weeks later, I have a statistic exam, which is also going to suck, and then the day after that, I have a law exam, where we have to act out a trial. So we are in a group of 8, I am the judge, and others are barristers and expert witnesses, and we have a case to try out. So we will be marked on oral questions, on interpretation and organisation, and how we say things, 'cause this is a law exam, not a sciency one.
AND on the same day, I have to hand it my choices for topics for my dissertation. I already have to decide what I want to do for my dissertation?! and that'll impact on what I do after my degree, and I might want to do a masters, so I have to think about that too, and ARGH!!!!
Plus, still confused and stuff in this sort-of-but-not-really-a-relationship relationship.
and to top it all off, I've been feeling really low :(
all in all
crappy time
On tuesday afternoon I have a genetics exam type thing. Which'll be 1-2-1 and it'll involve oral questions, maths questions, and practical techniques - it's going to suck.
Then a couple of weeks later, I have a statistic exam, which is also going to suck, and then the day after that, I have a law exam, where we have to act out a trial. So we are in a group of 8, I am the judge, and others are barristers and expert witnesses, and we have a case to try out. So we will be marked on oral questions, on interpretation and organisation, and how we say things, 'cause this is a law exam, not a sciency one.
AND on the same day, I have to hand it my choices for topics for my dissertation. I already have to decide what I want to do for my dissertation?! and that'll impact on what I do after my degree, and I might want to do a masters, so I have to think about that too, and ARGH!!!!
Plus, still confused and stuff in this sort-of-but-not-really-a-relationship relationship.
and to top it all off, I've been feeling really low :(
all in all
crappy time
Saturday 14 March 2009
Weird/good day?
So, today, I thought was going to be a really crap day.
I'm so skint, I've got like £5 until Wednesday, and I've just got enough food, and will need to spend my last £5 on water, cause the tap water shouldn't be drank.
my lectures were ok, then i went shopping for £3worth of food (all i could afford), and then back home to cook some lunch, had a chat with someone living on my floor, she's nice.
then I watched some dvds.
But by then, I was just really, really upset.
So I texted a few people, hoping that I'd get some replies, get distracted from what I was feeling, and feel a bit better.
But only a couple of people replied, one of which was Michael.
he called me about 7times, to see how I was doing.
And then we spoke on msn.
We spoke about why I was upset, and then about what was new for him and what was new for me and then just spoke about really random stuff, like we used to do.
and we just stopped talking now.
We spoke for over 6hours.
talking on msn for over 5hours, spoke on the phone for about 1hour.
and it was great, I had missed him so much, hadn't spoken to him in about 2months.
And hopefully I'll go visit him in Vienna over the summer.
It was so good to speak to him, he really cheered me up :)
I'm so skint, I've got like £5 until Wednesday, and I've just got enough food, and will need to spend my last £5 on water, cause the tap water shouldn't be drank.
my lectures were ok, then i went shopping for £3worth of food (all i could afford), and then back home to cook some lunch, had a chat with someone living on my floor, she's nice.
then I watched some dvds.
But by then, I was just really, really upset.
So I texted a few people, hoping that I'd get some replies, get distracted from what I was feeling, and feel a bit better.
But only a couple of people replied, one of which was Michael.
he called me about 7times, to see how I was doing.
And then we spoke on msn.
We spoke about why I was upset, and then about what was new for him and what was new for me and then just spoke about really random stuff, like we used to do.
and we just stopped talking now.
We spoke for over 6hours.
talking on msn for over 5hours, spoke on the phone for about 1hour.
and it was great, I had missed him so much, hadn't spoken to him in about 2months.
And hopefully I'll go visit him in Vienna over the summer.
It was so good to speak to him, he really cheered me up :)
Friday 13 March 2009
Friendships
I tried to ignore it, but I can't anymore.
Friendships are not equal/balanced.
I think the same is valid for romantic relationships.
but right now I'm talking about friendships.
There is always someone in the relationship who loves the other person more.
It's generally reasonably the same, like 60/40, but not in my case.
I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm hypersensitive, or maybe because of other stuff, but it seems that for me, I care about someone a lot more than they care about me, around 90/10 or 80/20.
It feels that way.
and it SUCKS.
So yes, I am disappointed in people, I am angry and sad, because I care about them, and I am their friend, but many times it feels like they're not my friend.
Friendships are not equal/balanced.
I think the same is valid for romantic relationships.
but right now I'm talking about friendships.
There is always someone in the relationship who loves the other person more.
It's generally reasonably the same, like 60/40, but not in my case.
I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm hypersensitive, or maybe because of other stuff, but it seems that for me, I care about someone a lot more than they care about me, around 90/10 or 80/20.
It feels that way.
and it SUCKS.
So yes, I am disappointed in people, I am angry and sad, because I care about them, and I am their friend, but many times it feels like they're not my friend.
I do expect more from certain of my friends, I hope for more, because I really am willing to do a lot for my friends.
No this does not make me selfish.
FUCK
this sucks
this sucks
mood: upset, angry, disappointed
music: maria mena
music: maria mena
Friday 6 March 2009
5 Lessons
"1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:
'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
'Absolutely, ' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'
I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride, soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.
It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.
'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her."
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:
'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
'Absolutely, ' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'
I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride, soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.
It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.
'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her."
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